How to handle an ex-partner using parental alienation and alienating behaviours

What are alienating behaviours?

The term “Parental Alienation”, now more correctly known and referred to as “Alienating Behaviours”, is not a diagnosable syndrome but rather a process of manipulation of a child by one parent against the other. The change of terminology used to refer to these behaviours seeks to ensure that the focus when resolving these issues is upon the children at the heart of the case and ensuring their voice is heard. CAFCASS categorise alienating behaviours as an “ongoing pattern of negative attitudes or communications by one parent towards/about the other parent that have the potential or intention to undermine, manipulate or destroy a child’s relationship with the other parent.”

Courts, solicitors and other professionals dealing with child contact cases have long been aware of the impact of alienating behaviours on the relationship between parent and child. The development of case law over the last few years has once again brought the issue to the forefront. Recent studies considering alienating behaviours suggest that between 42-59% of all Children Act cases involve allegations of these types of behaviours.

The Family Justice Council issued Guidance in December 2024, analysing the topic and giving consideration as to how best the Court should deal with such allegations. The Guidance maintains that the focus when addressing alienating behaviours must be on the impact of the alleged behaviours on the child or children in question. It is noted that alienating behaviours can have a detrimental impact on a child’s sense of self-identity and self-worth.

The focus of the Court when dealing with allegations of this type is the impact on the child and the underlying reasons for any resistance or refusal for the child to spend time with or have a relationship with one parent.

A distinction must be drawn between a child who has become alienated; and a child who is justified in rejecting the relationship with a parent because they have been harmed by the parent, are frightened of them or because they have been the victim or otherwise affected by Domestic Abuse.

Alienating behaviours can present themselves in a number of ways, ranging in severity from mild to extreme. Mild may be where one parent attempts to drive a wedge between the child and the other parent; however, the child is unaffected and will still engage in a relationship. Moderate may be where a child is indifferent or resistant to contact. In its most extreme form, alienating behaviours can result in one parent systematically eroding the other parent from a child’s life, resulting in the child refusing to have any relationship with the parent.

Cases involving alienating behaviours are serious and complex. They will require careful case management by solicitors and the Court from the outset.

Examples of parental alienation

Alienating behaviours can include a parent who is:

• badmouthing or belittling the other parent;
• highlighting errors of judgement;
• rewriting history;
• limiting contact without good reason;
• forbidding free discussion about the other parent;
• creating the impression that the other parent does not want to see the child or does not love and care for the child.

These behaviours may result in the child feeling rejected or may create a false narrative that the other parent is dangerous for the child to be around in some way.

How can I recognise the signs and effects of alienating behaviours?

In an extreme case, the signs may be obvious – it is unusual for a child who has previously enjoyed a loving relationship with a parent to suddenly not want to see or spend time with them for no reason.

In less extreme cases, parents will often feel and know that something is not right. They may feel that their child:

• has changed
• is withdrawing
• is copying the other parent
• is asking adult questions that are inappropriate
• has no empathy
• is always siding with the other parent
• is not being reasonable
• is being difficult
• is making issues where there were none.

What should you do if you’re seeing signs of alienating behaviours?

As can be seen, alienating behaviours can take many forms and can sometimes be very subtle, but often a parent ‘just knows’ their child is being alienated from them.

If you believe your child is experiencing these behaviours, the points below should be of some help in the first instance:

If you are experiencing parental alienation, the following points should be of some help in the first instance:

• Difficult as it might be, do not react angrily. This could just play into the hands of the other parent.
• Do not under any circumstances punish or reprimand your child for the alienation, no matter how hurtful their actions – remember they are a victim just as you are.
• Do consider all the circumstances – could there be some other explanation?
• Do not sit back. Seek early legal advice and assistance.
• The key is to recognise the signs and to deal with them quickly. If a parent is being alienated, it can become increasingly difficult to find a way forward as their views become more challenging.
• It is vital that early legal help is sought before the problem becomes severe causing lasting issues for the child/children concerned and damaging the parent and child relationship.

How can we help those experiencing alienating behaviours?

Our family lawyers can help with legal and practical advice; early intervention can be crucial to reduce the long-term impact. We are happy to have an initial appointment with you to assess how we can assist.

We aim to support you through the entire process and have extensive experience working with a range of other professionals who specialise in alienating behaviour cases, including barristers, child and family therapists, mediators and child psychologists.

If necessary, we can assist with a Court application for a Child Arrangements Order.