How do I agree a child contact arrangement at Christmas?

Arranging to spend Christmas with your children after a separation or divorce can become a point of contention with your former partner. To prevent conflict or isolation during the festive season ideally, there should be an agreement as to when each of you can see the children.

Some parents will have considered occasions like Christmas, birthdays, and other holidays at the outset of their separation, possibly even having a formal child arrangement that has established each parent’s entitlements and responsibilities. However, without an agreement in place, your first Christmas apart may prove challenging.

What rights do I have to see my child/children at Christmas?

Both parents have the same rights to see their children, but there is no law in place that guarantees either parent the right to ‘have their turn’ at Christmas. There is no automatic right for you to see the children on special occasions.

Parents should try and agree what arrangements for the festive period are in the best interests of the children, and this can be done without any legal processes. Where parents cannot agree on when each of them should see the children, a court order may be required.

Can the mother/father stop me seeing my children at Christmas?

Unless the Courts have decided to restrict your access to the children as a matter of welfare, your former partner has no right to prevent you from seeing them. However, equally, you do not have the right to demand to take the children away from the other parent, or to visit their home without permission.

If your ex-partner is unfairly preventing you from seeing your children, you should seek legal advice as soon as possible to understand your options in the hope of reaching an agreement in sufficient time ahead of the holidays.

What if my ex-partner tries to take my children away on holiday?

Some parents take their children on long-distance holidays over Christmas. The rules surrounding this are different depending on where they are going.

If the family lives in England or Wales and the children are not being taken outside England and Wales, this is unrestricted. Even if the holiday were at the other end of the country, the only way the law would allow you to stop this is if there was likely to be harm or danger to the children.

If your ex-partner attempts to take the child/children outside of England or Wales, they are required to obtain your permission, provided you are legally recognised as having parental responsibility (see our other article regarding Parental Responsibility).

However, if a child arrangement order states that your former partner is the parent with whom the children shall live with, they will have the right to take the children abroad for up to 28 days without needing permission from anyone else who has parental responsibility.

In the interest of preventing conflict and inconvenience, it is good etiquette and recommended that parents always communicate with their ex-partners before taking children on holiday.

How to agree contact arrangements at Christmas

Christmas arrangements vary from family to family depending on individual circumstances, however, common scenarios agreed by separated parents include:

• Spending Christmas Day with one parent, then Boxing Day with the other.
• For the 10 days of 23 December to 01 January, spending 5 days with one parent, followed by 5 days with the other.
• Taking it in turns to have the children on alternate years.
• Parents who are on amicable terms may agree to spending Christmas Day in the same house with one of them as a visitor.

Can I stop child contact at Christmas? What grounds do I need?

There are many reasons why you might wish to have the children all to yourself at Christmas, but not all reasons would be legally justified.

The Courts prioritise the safety and wellbeing of the children above any other factors, and are likely to accept the following reasons for denying the other parent access to the children:

• Abusive behaviour towards you or the children
• Drug/alcohol misuse
• Involvement in criminal activity
• If they otherwise present a safety risk to the child/children

The Courts however are unlikely to agree to stopping child contact for any of the following reasons:

• The parent has not fulfilled their obligation to pay child maintenance
• The parent does not normally see the children or contribute to their lives enough
• The parent has upset you or done something you do not like

If you believe it is in the children’s best interests to spend limited or no time with your former partner at Christmas or at any other time, you should seek legal advice.

How to apply for a court order

The Family Courts will require you to have attended a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting before proceeding to Court (exemptions apply).

The Court order application involves the C100 form and a £255 fee. You will then be contacted by the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) before the first hearing.

At the first hearing, the Court will consider the information before it, together with all information from Cafcass and consider whether it is in the child or children’s best interests to allow contact or allow interim contact whilst the issues are looked at. Further hearings may take place depending on the issues/concerns raised.

It is highly recommended that legal advice is sought from the outset and particularly at the first hearing to ensure that all issues/concerns are carefully considered, as it is at the first hearing that directions are given by the Court as to how the case will be managed.

It is also recommended that you have the support of a solicitor from the outset of your application through to the end of the Court hearings.

Should divorced parents spend Christmas together?

Divorced couples who are on good terms may be able to enjoy spending Christmas Day at each other’s homes or at a restaurant, even with new partners in tow. There is also an opportunity to use the occasion to demonstrate trustworthiness and best wishes towards one another.

If the relationship is on more rocky ground and the parents are not able to enjoy each other’s company, an arrangement like this would likely be ill-advised.

If you do opt to spend Christmas together, here are some tips to keep the occasion merry:

• Arrange in advance. Do not assume the other parent has already left room for you in their plans.
• Establish clear rules and boundaries for how a parent is to behave in the other’s home (e.g. forbidden subjects of conversation, parenting at the dinner table, etc.).
• Do not try to ‘outdo’ each other to gain favour with the children (such as by buying more extravagant presents).

Please note that this information is for general guidance only and should not substitute professional legal advice. If you have specific concerns, we recommend consulting one of our legal experts.